Groundhog Day 2013:

04/02/2013 – כ״ה בשבט ה׳תשע״ג – כ״ה בשבט ה׳תשע״ג – 01:20

Groundhog Day 2013: Punxsutawney Phil Makes Prediction!

Groundhog Day 2013 VIDEO Punxsutawney Phil Makes Prediction!

הקסם של ירושלים / The Magic of Jerusalem

By Staff | Posted in Positive Thinking, Video | Tagged Life in Jerusalem, The Real Truth | Comments Off

A sensible wish

29/01/2013 – י״ח בשבט ה׳תשע״ג – י״ח בשבט ה׳תשע״ג – 16:08

8 Ball is a game in which you ask a yes/no questions

Page. 1

Mrs. Whiskers is looking to see no one is around and opens a box labeled 9 Ball.

She reads the instructions, “The 9 Ball once a week. You can make a sensible wish, see fine print below.

She thinks, “A 9 Ball, I get to make a wish …hum…”

“Better be a good one, only one sensible wish per week.”

She thinks very hard, “Such a drag it has to be actually a sensible wish, Ok, I wish to lose 60 lbs!”

The 9 Ball says, “NO.”

Mrs. Whiskers angrily says, “Poo!”

She thinks some more, “Let’s see…sensible, OK I wish to lose 18 lbs.”

The 9 Ball says, “NO.”

The 8 Ball does not answer your question

Page. 2

Mrs. Whiskers finally says, “This is stupid!” and the 9 Ball says back, “sure is.”

She says, “OK – a thoroughly clean home.”

The 9 Ball says, “NO.”

Mrs. Whiskers gets angry, “that was sensible!”

she says, “a sensible diet.”

9 Ball answers, “Just go on the internet for that.”

she thinks, “I could have done that myself what kind of 9 Ball is this, make me an appointment with Dr. Dog!”

9 Ball says, “11:00 PM, Monday, Dr. Dog.”

“Fine”, Mrs. Whiskers thinks.

Mrs. W meets with Dr. Dog and nothing worked

Page. 3

-at the hospital-

Receptionist Polly Pup, “Oh yes, Mrs. Whiskers go and have a seat. Dr. Dog will be with you soon.”

Mrs. Whiskers sits and looks at a sad wolf holding a pamphlet that says, “Hopelessness is Not Real.”

Dr. Dog comes in and says, “Ah Mrs. Vhiskers I zee you are az fat az the last time I zaw you.”

Mrs. Whiskers answers, “Hello Dr. Dog.”

Dr. Dog says, “Please, have a seat.”

“How can I help you today?”

Mrs. Whiskers, “I hate everything, I hate my life, I miss my family in the U. S. and I’m fat. I’m scared to leave my home. I’m depressed. I’m stuck.”

Dr. Dog, “What would make you happy?”

Mrs. Whiskers thinks, “I don’t know.”

Dr. Dog answers, “Ah now we are making progress!”

she thinks to herself, “cow manure.”

Try personal prayer, it works.

– Mrs. Whiskers comes home from seeing Dr. Dog and looks at the 9 Ball-

she says out loud, “It’s showdown time 9 Ball.”

“I need you to explain yourself.”

9 Ball says, “sorry your wish is used up for this week.”

she sits with a book, “I’m going to pray for Hashem to help me.”

– one hour later-

a little gold “bird” flys into the room and announces, “that’s better.”

he says, “Ask H’ (G-d) for help every day and your out look will improve and change!” he dances and flys away and leaves her in golden light. She wakes up smiling in another rainbow dimension.

By Staff | Posted in Positive Thinking | Tagged Emuna, Personal Prayer, Positive Thinking | Comments Off

Israeli Elections or Lord of the Rings

23/01/2013 – י״ב בשבט ה׳תשע״ג – י״ב בשבט ה׳תשע״ג – 15:58

Israeli Elections or Lord of the Rings Page 1

Frodo says to the other ‘halflings’, “We are going to have to find a way to defeat our enemies.”
Bibi-strider thinks to himself, “I can see I will have to be a real Politician in order to collate with everyone, oye.” “We must go to Rivendale to meet with all the parties.”
Pippin, “A party? Oh boy.
Frodo, “Very well, however we were suppose to meet with Gandalf.”
Pippin, “I voted for Gandalf.”
Merry, “I think we all did.” looks at Bibi-strider, “I guess he’s all we got.”
Frodo, “He’s not here and we have to get away from the Evil Orabs and Black Volvos!”
Pippin, “I’m having a cupa coffee.”
-Meanwhile-
Evil Orab, “Ha ha ha.”
Evil Witch, “You must join me and we can defeat the good guys and take over the Middle Erst!”
Wizzard of Orc thinks to himself, “Then I can kill you….afterward, it might work.”
Evil Witch contemplates, “What idiots….Oh what I have to do to keep my Volvo.”
Wizzard of Orc, “A coalition with the Evil Witch.”
Evil Orab thinks, “Kill…Kill…Kill.”
The Halflings arrive at Rivendale with Bibi-strider.
They are at the Elf King and Queen’s throne.
Elrond says to his wife, “Before we ask them to collate, I must ask my wife’s advise.”
Queen says, “You are most wise, Dear.”

Israeli Elections or Lord of the Rings Page 2

Page 2
Elrond speaks to the Fellowship of the Knesset, “Alright…We must all have the wisdom to agree – we must stick together.”
Princess Arwen, “We need to have at least one woman.”
Frodo, “I voted for Gandalf.”
Legalos, “Why do the halflings have more votes than the rest of us?”
Gimili, “As long as we keep away from the Evil Witch I’m in.”
Elrond asks Frodo, “Frodo, did you vote?”
Frodo answers, “I voted for Gandalf.”
Bibi-strider says, “Borofoot represents the middle class and stands
for nothing.” Borofoot scowls at Bibi-strider.
Elrond then says, “Commentators said that it is strange that Americans are getting into the Fellowship like in the days of old, Gold Meiral of Lothloran.”
He continues, “Bibi, It’s going to be a very difficult thing – putting all our chips in with the new guy that stands for nothing. We may end with no right wing and no left wing.”
Bibi, “In order to fly, a bird must have 2 wings.”
Elrond, “That’s true, but stupid.”
Bibi, “That’s politics.”
Everyone shouts, “Gandalf!”
Gandalf the great white wizard appears with his stalf.
Frodo comes up to him and says, “Gandalf, I have to destroy the Yazer Hara.”
Gandalf replys, “Yes, Frodo….and please do me a favor, and switch to a different kippa, you’re Frodo and not Beanie.”
Gandalf continues, “Now Bibi, your biggest challenge ever will be before you. Creating a United Israel.”
Bibi has finger at the corner of his mouth.